YOU MUST HAVE BOUNDARIES BUT ME? I WAS HAD NO BOUNDARIES!
That is what I would tell anyone who listens:
You must instill healthy boundaries; yet I didn’t care enough about myself to do the same.
Living with no boundaries was easier because:
- I am a perpetual people pleasing, conflict avoiding woman! I would rather be mad at someone than to have someone be mad at me.
- Creating boundaries and enforcing them was exhausting.
- I didn’t value myself enough to have boundaries.
During my 2 weeks away I took another hard look at myself and once I got past the shame, I knew that I had some building to do.
No Boundaries was No More!
Like the picture above I now think of me; body, mind and soul as a beautiful castle with a moat that keeps the riff raff out! This moat keeps me safe and protects me!
Since I am addicted to people pleasing I literally had to write out my boundaries. I had to fill my moat myself because otherwise the moat would dry up.
Here are a few of my boundaries:
1. No longer will I allow others opinions to influence me. Everyone knows that I have been struggling with my business and I would listen and allow myself to be coached even though I didn’t want it. First of all, I no longer share my struggles with everyone. I pick very carefully. Secondly, when I do receive unsolicited advice, I literally say thanks for sharing. I am not in the need for coaching right now. Yes, that may sound bitchy but I have to be bold with my boundaries. It is time to start protecting myself as I protect my children.
2. I say no first. Not let me think about it or give me 24 hours. NO NO NO NO NO. People may not understand and that is ok. As long as I am respectful I am letting go of pleasing everyone else.
3. I let go of many people. I realized that I would rather be friendless than full of negative people who only want from me. I am exhausted and have nothing left to give.
4. I turned off my phone. I only answer for my kids and husband. I will call everyone else back and if I receive a sales call, I say no thank you. No more dancing around not wanting to hurt feelings. No thank you!
5. With myself: yes, I even needed to instill some self-boundaries. I tend to go over my day and berate myself for anything that I said I deemed unacceptable. No more. Now I have a night time ritual where I give gratitude in one book (this keeps the gratitude energy clean). Then I write about what I can improve on tomorrow. If something comes up that needs an amends I commit to doing that. If not, I just forgive myself for eating my foot.
Bad News: I have a lot less friends.
Good News: I am becoming my own best friend!
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